Cville: The Final Chapter

With inexplicable melancholy, I regret to inform you that this is the final chapter of the “The Gays of Charlottesville”. I wish I could’ve continued to be a part of this panorama to provide you with a never-ending supply of entertainment. But, it seems as if I can’t. I’m moving not because there is anything wrong with this city, but it’s just that I’ve already spent four years here, and everyone – from the porky sandwich-maker at the University deli to the punk-ass harebrained queer bois – think that it’s time for me to offer my goodbyes and get the hell OUT of their lives. So, like all good things, my journey here must also come to an end, but this ending starts with a new beginning, which begins with my arrival in Washington DC - the nation’s power-hungry, barbarous, pretentious and squalid cesspit - to start a new life in a brand new city, full of gays, full of diseases, full of drama.

But first let’s take a final look at the lives of the major characters before we leave this ungodly, lecherous and decadent city.

Charles: Trying to bulk up, hitting the gym and taking in a shit-load of protein every day. Hopefully, being able to ward off the distraction that is Jesse, Charles will not let his god-father control his life and avoid failing all his classes to uphold his stellar academic record. I also wish Charles the best of luck getting into a good med-school. But more than that I hope that he can wash away his bitterness and get over Todd, his cheating ex-boyfriend, who is now in a happy and satisfying relationship with Alex, a twinkish second year who is a carbon-copy of Charles.

Jesse: Similarly to Charles, hitting the gym and taking monstrous dozes of protein everyday, but unlike Charles, also consuming a bunch of other unnatural supplements to add to his beefy musculature. Not that I have room to speak, but I hope that this boy can let go of his alcohol dependency and be more open with expressing his feelings and emotions. I also hope that he finds a nice boy who will help him get over his bitterness over being a single alcoholic.

JT: There’s just one word to describe this adolescent boy: PLAYER! He’s been getting more play in his first month than I ever did in my first two years. Allen-K and then Jack; boy he moves faster than the tramp who lives on the streets of West Hollywood. The secret to his success: maybe it’s the prudish, innocent demeanor, or the dumb nonchalant smile that brings out those cute dimples. Or perhaps he’s just the first one who pounces on the horned-up boys when they get drunk. But, even if it’s the later, rather than the former, it still requires a lot of balls, especially from a first-year. Whatever it is dude, its working. Cheers.

Young-Nicholas and english-major Dave: WTF buddies? I mean, seriously! At least you should’ve had the public decency to be more open about your physical relationship. And all that time we thought you two were just “friends”. What a blatant display of impertinence. Do you understand the meaning of friends? Oh, wait, I forgot that both of you were gay. Well, guess what. You never fooled me with that transparent façade, which reeked of incontinence behind it’s “we’re-just-friends-and-not-fucking” veneer. But, anyway, hope things work out, and if they don’t, hope Nick will be able to find a new boy after Dave graduates in December and leaves Charlottesville for good.

And the rest of the gays? Well, I hope that they enjoy every minute of their eternal damnation in the blazing fires of hell.

Tomorrow, I will be moving to a new city where, if I’m lucky, I'll meet different players, who won't mind acting as the new cast of this infamous blog. Who knows, the nation’s capital might just showcase drama of sublime, top-notch quality. Or perhaps, my life will just become dull, boring and miserable, similar to the lives of the majority of the American working-class population. Either way, like they say, “the show must go on”.