"Like a Virgin" Night

Does anybody like their partner to just lay there in bed, expecting you to do all the work? Who does that anyway: the young ones, the old ones, or the hot ones? Does experience affect your sexual performance in any way? Do you get better or worse in bed as you get older?

These are some of the questions that Mark, Gleason, Anthony and I were trying to find the answers to tonite, sitting at Escafe, eating our dinner and drinking our drinks (think Sex and the City but substitute New York for Charlottesville and the ladies with four jaded gay men). Obviously, considering the differences in age between ourselves, we all had different takes on the topic. With extreme fecundity, I declared that the older you get, the more catatonic you get under the sheets, because your bitterness, resulting from dissapointment over still being single, overshadows your love-making abilities. Therefore, the younger you are, the less bitter you are, which also means that the more vivacious, energetic and experimental you are in bed.

But Chris and Mark dared to disagree, saying that the young ones were only good for raw-sex while the more-mature ones (assuming that maturity comes with age) were perfect for sensual love-making. Meanwhile, the twenty-year old, Anthony, volunteered himself as the sacrificial pig, admitting that he was always the one who just lays there, expecting the other person to do all the work. So, yeah, thanks to the indolent slut sitting across me, my argument fell flat on it's face. But, unwilling to admit defeat, I was still adamant about the sloth of the older ones, advocating and representing the excitement and adventure that the young ones bring to bed.

I've been with a few people in my life. Some of them were young, while others were, um, more- mature. In the spirit of staying away from stereotypes, I can't claim that one group was better than the other. However, I can say, with utmost certainty, that your sexual performance is directly correlated with how attractive you find the other person to be. And vice versa, for reciprocation is perhaps the most important element of a satisfying sexual experience. So, at the end of the night, it doesn’t matter how old the guy you are shagging is or even whether he is hot or not. What matters is, in addition to him being disease free, that YOU find him attractive, and he feels the same way about you. That’s also why alcohol helps sometimes because it increases the level and intensity of that attraction. Using the aid of alcohol, you can develop the ability to transform another being from hot to super-hot or from unattractive to attractive. But beware; drinking a LARGE amount of alcohol in one sitting can lead to malfunctioning of your sexual organ. Therefore, for personal satisfaction, it is essential to maintain a healthy balance between your level of attraction and performance of your equipment.

I had a couple of more Cape-Cod's, only to hear, to my delight, Madonna’s “Like a Virgin”. JOY. Obviously, I sang along, to the familiar lyrics.

I made it through the wilderness
Somehow I made it through
Didn’t know how lost I was, until I found you
I was beat, incomplete
I’d been had, I was sad and blue
But you made me feel
Yeah, you made me feel
Shiny and new

Like a virgin
Touched for the very first time
Like a virgin
When your heart beats
Next to mine

Gonna give you all my love, boy
My fear is fading fast
Been saving it all for you
’cause only love can last
You’re so fine
and you’re mine
Make me strong, yeah you make me bold
Oh your love thawed out
Yeah, your love thawed out
What was scared and cold

But the lyrics weren't the only thing spinning through my mind; there was also something else, in fact, there was someone else. I’ll explain who via this conversation I had with my friend Steve on AIM after coming back home.

K: what if...
Steve: yes?
K: u're kind of wasted...but more so tipsy
K: and u hear madonna's "like a virgin"
Steve: and...?
K: and u're sitting next to this guy whose a friend but who likes u
K: and all u can think about this asshole who've u never met
K: and who, u are falling for, apparently
K: 'cause u're thinking about him as u listen to the song
Steve: is this person the one in africa?
K: and this other person doesen't give a shit about you
K: in fact he doesen't even email u anymore
K: yeah, but now back in england
K: i think
Steve: then you say, "gosh, look at the time! i should get home," before you land yourself in trouble doing something with the boy next to you because you're tipsy and horny.
K: uh.well..i didn't
K: and i hardly get horny when i'm drunk
K: only touchy feely
Steve: did you touch and feel this person who likes you?
K: no, nothing that i haven't done before
K: but he was so all over me, cause he had been drinking
K: i mean i got back home safe
K: so, thats good
Steve: yes, although i'm sure he's somewhat confused now, the poor thing.
K: what the fuck am i going to do...
K: no, he's not
K: we have an understanding
Steve: well, you'll go and find yourself someone else?
Steve: or be happy being by yourself?
Steve: i have hope for you!
K: a) i'm not HAPPY being by myself, if i were i wouldn't want a bf
K: b) i only want people who I can’t have
K: i'm just looking for all the signs
K: and don't wanna be asleep as they come by way, u know
K: like, dont wanna force anything, but don't wanna be asleep when its there
Steve: true, but i don't think that will be a problem in your case ;-)
K: bitch!!
K: :-)
K: but, eh, um, what about the boy in england?
K: why do i think about him when i listen to these songs?
Steve: you'd know better than i would. do the songs hold any particular meaning? do they make you think about certain aspects of his personality?
K: yeah, somewhat
K: like his assholeness
K: and how he refuses to share any information about himself
K: and regardless, why and how, i have a crush on him
K: God, I sound so fucking sad
K: this it EXACTLY why i hate good looking men
Steve: well, it could have been a photo of someone else!
K: uh, he's everything but a liar, trust me
Steve: how do you know?
K: but at least he's showing me his real self
K: and that's another thing that i love
spb1981: perhaps. you have to be careful before falling for someone online, of course.
K: and he's so funny and sarcastic in this weird way, it's kind of cute
K: and so fucking cynical
K: and i love the words that he uses, like "mate", "bloke", "rugby", "intrusive"
K: yeah, true
K: but i don't like him for his fake picture
K: i like him for his personality: his diction, his depth, his ideas, his sarcasm
K: and most of all, his understanding for what i've been through
Steve: but he's rejected you,
K: and his willingness to learn
Steve: so that's the end of that : /
K: yeah, u're right
K: that's harsh but true
Steve: exactly. the only thing to do is move on, unfortunately.
K: it's always too good to be true anyway
K: yeah, move on
K: back in dc
K: btw, i am returning this saturday
Steve: well, i wouldn't say that... but this one didn't work out.
Steve: cool!
K: work out?"
Steve: maybe you'll have more furniture the next time i stay over? :D
K: we harldy knew each other
Steve: exactly.
K: i don't know jackshit about him
K: lol, ya, MAYBE
Steve: my place is slowly but surely acquiring new things... in about eight weeks, it should be all set.
K: sweet
Steve: *has to wait before the couch arrives, see*
Steve: indeed.
K: but places don't look nice with things buddy
K: they look nice with people
K: especially boyfriends
Steve: ehh. i prefer a good couch, most of the time ;-)
K: and i prefer a good boi
Steve: okay, i'm off to do some errands. i'll talk to you later!
K: who can love me the way i love him
K: ok, ok
K: talk to u later!!
K: bye bye

Why do these songs have to mean something? It's so frustrating when you have a crush on someone, and madonna suddenly surrounds the air, acting like a trigger, so as to make the lyrics even more meaningful. Grr..I can only hope that I soon get busy enough to not care about "love". Or blokes who obviously don't care for me as much as I do for them.

And, now, in an attempt to run away as far as possible from these two sketchy, loud, obnoxious electronic-poker-playing straight guys, I am going to end this post. Good night y'all.