Bend it

Coming back to my apartment, after spending a mundane day having an unexpected lunch with Jehan (who was charitable enough to swipe me into the dining hall), running into Charles and Jesse at the dining hall, finishing reading “One Hundred Years of Solitude” (best book ever: deserves a future posting), and trying not to kill myself in frustration over the incompetance of the USCIS (U.S Citizenship and Immigration Services), I switched on the tube before heading to the gym. As I was channel surfing, I was amazed to witness the recurrence of HBO, which, like a specter, decides to appear and disappear at it's own will. And, to my utter disbelief I was just in time to catch the final ten minutes of one of my favorite movies - Bend it like Beckham. Now, Bend it like Beckham is no ordinary chick-flick. And I don’t say that because I idolize David Beckham. I declare it to be one of my favorites because of my love for the:

* Gifted, demure, implacable soccer star (Jess)
* Yummy, finger-licking soccer coach (Joe)
* Jealous, loud-mouth dykey teammate (Jules)
* Flaming, desi, closeted, homosexual of a best-friend (Tony)
* Concupiscent, self-absorbed sister (Pinky)
* Orthodox, prude but hilarious parents (Mr. and Mrs. Bharma)
* Paranoid, judgemental mother (Paula)
* Inclusion of the word “Paki” (even though it is used as a derogatory term)
* Cute, subtle soccer jokes (jersey with #9, sports-bra gags)

Put all the above together and you get an upbeat movie with fun melodious music, an entertaining story, and a chance to experience a slice of the world, almost like visiting London and staying with an Indian family. I loved the ending scene at the airport (even though it could’ve been made better with the inclusion of Beckham). I felt really giddy, when Joe, before kissing Jess, tells her something about wanting to give it a shot in spite of the distance. And later, before the credits, you can see him playing cricket with her dad so as to remove cultural boundaries and win him over. Gawd, how romantic!

I’m trying to convince myself that stuff life that only happens in the movies. Real life involves long tediums of strained anxiety looking for “the one”; the one with a set of horns on his head singing and shouting your name through a bugle. And if, by chance, you are asleep at that time, you'll miss the "one" and end up alone for the rest of your life. Man, if I had someone like Joe waiting for me back home, I would’ve, in a heartbeat, given up everything here, packed my bags, and taken the first flight to Lahore. But instead, perforced by circumstances, I am stuck, waiting to serve corporate America, while dying slowly and painfully as I frequent gay establishments in my quest to find the love of my life.

Before the bitterness gets to me, I’ll post some memorable quotes from the movie:

[Tony has just come out of the closet]
Jess: But... - but you're Indian!

Wedding Guest: Lesbian? I thought she was a Pisces

Video Man: Eyes down. Don't smile. Indian bride never smiles. You'll ruin the bloody video.

Jess: She called me a Paki. But I guess that's something you wouldn't understand.
Joe: Jess, I'm Irish. Of course I understand what that feels like.

Paula: Get your lesbian feet out of my shoes!